Tag Archives: Counselling

Dealing with Kangaroo Courts in your Personal Relationships..!

Have you been tried in emotionally charged Kangaroo Courts?  

When a bunch of people say they want to `clear the air’, call you to a friendly meeting in their home-grounds, beware that shadow pack-mentality is already in play behind the scenes, and their subconscious minds are looking for ways to hammer you into some sort of submissions. Sadly their minds are already projecting their own shadows on you..and it’s because you are `not accepting’ that they’ve become disgruntled suddenly.. They will keep looking to find behavioral evidence in you that proves they were right about you after all.  Anything and.. sadly everything you say..  will be taken as evidence against you..and used to prove only your guilt.   It’s a no-justice situation.. !

Question of intention:

Personal meetings start with best of intentions..or so it will seem  (groups of friends, in membership organisations, private family circumstances).  But the question is …do you or others want a real resolution, or are you all just gunning for someone’s guts under a pretense of `clearing the air’?

Transpersonal concepts to look up (if you really are interested)

  • Shadows
  • Ego & super-Ego
  • Projections and Projection Breaking
  • Transference  and Counter transference.

Initial advise:  

 a) Avoid meeting in their home-grounds. Neutral places are very important.  You need to feel safe and secure, as much as others!

 b) Starting states:  Are you are already starting with apprehensions, possibly a sense of persecution?  Except lawyers, no one goes in to such meetings without apprehensions.   Having a friend there is a good idea.

c) Are you a Chicken?    Beware goading tactics by others – your confidence or calm posture is the first things people tend to `attack’ (consciously or not).  Bombarding you with issues, bringing up real  vulnerable old issues are ways others can keep you off your balance.   `challenging you’ into a corner, ie asking if you can handle things or not (goading your ego) is another tactics lawyers and naturally clever people use ..

 d)  If one or more party declares they are not in a good emotional place (due to other factors) or tired from a long day of work etc..  have the common sense and decency to  postpone..especially if a postponement has been asked for.  Don’t then throw emotional manipulation and force the meeting to go ahead anyway!    Physical or emotionally tired situations bring out inner-child tantrums ..it’s grossly unfair and counter-productive to what you ALL are trying or hoping to achieve, and these meetings need to be between adults..not your inner-children..  Playground is best for kids.. not reconcilliation meetings!!

 e) During meeting, make sure all parties are seated in a balanced way…no one sitting on a higher chair or lower than others (believe me, that’s actually a clever disempowerment technique! )

 f) Find a neutral 3rd party `facilitator’ …not one who is involved in the situation, or has strong bonds with the others (or with you).    And when a `facilitator’ has no counselling or psychology training, and is the one self-appointed or appointed by the other parties, that is already a clouded objective situation..!

 g) Do not represent your self..   You simply can’t when you are in a highly charged emotional state..and what you say will only be used against you. Even hardcore criminals have lawful proper representations!

 h) When others star by saying, we are all friends / family here and this is not a confrontation but a chance to clear the air or resolve matters – don’t fall for that. They may mean well but human nature quickly takes over..and so does mud-slinging, tit-for-tat cleverness, bullying, reverse psychology, playing the victim, turning on the tears and so on. Unless you are God or a Saint, one tiny negative (even perceived) comment WILL evoke an internal defensive or retaliation reaction.  Those will simmer and work in your or their subconscious through out, and will seek expression – not immediately, but 5 minutes, 10mins, 2 hrs or even 5 months later!

 i) It is best to enter these `meetings’ with plenty of safeguards of neutrality, objectivity and arbitration..  There is huge potential for making matters worse!

 j) When someone keeps accusing another of a particular action, there is 50 – 50 chance that a) they are making a real observation   and/or  b) they are projecting their own `stuff’

k) `I hear you’ is not the same as `I understand’..  and `I understand’ stated in the heat of a meeting does not necessarily mean they or you do understand on an emotional level.   Thinking & Feeling are on opposite ends of the spectrum in Psychology!

l) Often a single meeting is never enough to get to the heart of issues. Time needs to pass for all to absorb what each other have said, and further meet-ups are required..

 

I shall look through my years of Counselling & Psychology training notes, and add more tips here later..

-Mani Navasothy

ps. Originally posted as a `Note’ in my facebook page.   Find me on facebook ..look for my page..   Mani Navasothy

Psychology & Magic: Know thy Inner-Child

Hi readers, I got to thinking, that for a guy who tags a number of blogs under  Wicca & Witchcraft – and specifically the  psychology, I haven’t really said much on those subjects…and yet, it’s those very realms that my everyday mind is occupied with.    I found this  write-up I had done for one of the modules of the e-Witch Apprentice course.   -Mani

Inner child

We each have an inner-child within us. It is a permanent psychological aspect of each one of us that stays with us forever. The inner child stems from our own childhood days and experiences, and he/ she does not grow! People may think that because it’s a `child’ within us, he/ she is powerless, and harmless. This is true on some level, but not in the way many of us think!

Gaia’s Child (graphics (c)Mani Navasothy 2012

As with any child on this planet, an inner child is powerless  – to fend for him/ herself, and protect him/ herself. But an inner-child is not to be under-estimated as one having no power. On the contrary, our inner-child has more power `over’ us than any other being on the planet! The personality and character of the inner-child can at times over-whelming and all-consuming! The whims and tantrums that our inner-child throws can quite easily take over us and control our actions and emotions.  Effectively, it’s as if the Inner-child is the driver of the adult-person!!

Our needs for security, for love, for warmth, food – and for our mothers  all stem from the Inner-child in us. And so does our need and want for play!  And what’s more, our very creativity stems from the inner-child.

The inner-child does not care about time-tables, schedules, work-loads, deadlines, career progressions, relationships (except one with `The mother’), honour, commitment, altruism or ideals.  He or she just is – pure need,  pure base  emotions, and pure joy!  Eat, drink, sleep & play are his or her only modes, and  the inner-child does not even have self-awareness, or self-identification.  He or she is a pure creature of nature!!

One of the major aspects that govern an inner child is that he/ she – just like any child – has an identity liked and intertwined with the Mother.  When his or her needs are met, he / she is happy and engages in play, and when those needs return, he/ she instinctively wants/ needs and seeks The Mother. And if the mother engages and fulfils those needs  (food, company, warmth, affection), then the Mother is `seen’ as `Good Mother’.  And if the mother does not seem to be fulfilling those needs – when the inner-child wants it (prompt), then the Mother is seen as `bad Mother’.

Mothers can quite quickly go from being `good mother’ to bad mother’ – in seconds, depending on how they did or did not fulfil the inner-child. And of course, if one person is fulfilling the inner-child, then that person – male or female `becomes’ the `good mother’, and elsewhere, another person who did not fulfil the needs of the Inner-child becomes `bad-mother’.

These psychological constructs are projected into our everyday interactions and relationships.  It is not the scope of this brief introduction to go into details, but needless to say,  how we as adults relate to people, leaders, authority figures, lovers, spouses, and even our Gods & Goddesses – are all so intricately tied into the Inner-child.

Knowing `thy self’ is a process, by which, we learn to separate the needs and whims of the inner child away from our `adult’ self, as well as other key considerations (projections, shadows, anima/ animus etc).

In this e-witch Course, we include various practical work and exercises – some of which may seem bizarre and `childish’. However they are not designed for you the adult – and they are aimed at your inner-child!!  For we have learnt through much study, counselling and personal magical experiences – that creativity and true magic flows from the purest of all humans – the child in us!

It is the responsibility of us – the grown-up adults, to become the `good mother’ to our own inner-children, and care, comfort and protect. When those are taken care of, and when we let ourselves play freely, we begin to tap into primal forces of magic!!

(c)Mani Navasothy. 22Feb2012

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Acknowledgement:   Much of these concepts were taught to me by the late Maureen Brown, Counselor & High Priestess of Wicca.  I shall give her due respect in another blog entry.