Private Hells & Public projections
(keeping safe from social-media-mobs):
Facebook is an unsafe place to talk about loved ones. people can turn into a lynch mob in a matter of minutes on facebook.. and rip out someone’s 40+ year life . Eventual Apologies don’t fix that kind of trauma a mob can cause in one life.. (Trust me..I’ve been a victim of that sort a few times in the last 10 years). Nowadays I see it coming..and get tough.. before the slime wave hits my life. If that looks at times like am over-reacting, ranting or being silly – well.. see it however you like. Am protecting me and my loved ones at whatever costs.
And then there’s the jealousy & envy types… a whole load of people out there who resent me.. because they think I am carefree and don’t work hard on my own future security (like they do on theirs in some obsessive mental way!! see I can judge too!!) They snipe at me, or ridicule me or try put-downs at every turn.. They see me as some Peter-Pan… utterly unaware of the private fears, tears, struggles or agonies I have in my life. (actually some are worse..because they *do* know me..and still go down this route!).
So I’ve grown tired of trying to be reasonable with unreasonable people.
I neither need them nor their festering energies in my life..
My rule is simple: My community profile is in the public eye…not my private life, not my loved ones and not my family. So I don’t write about my own future, my own families..or share photos. Only real friends who have stood the test of time and have stood by me through my hellish-years have that priviledge..of knowing about my private life..
I have always come at my contributions on facebook or my blogs etc.. with real experiences and disclosures, giving most subject matters my personal context. Rather than prod others to reveal personal things, I do it about myself ..and hope others will reciprocate..and build trust. This is NOT ego (as some perceive it as)..but a humanistic approach (instead of a dry academic approach) .
There are people – loved ones, friends, family, ex-partners – whom I protect.. Where my life stories interface with theirs, i try to keep their parts/ details somewhat vague..and focus only on my parts. This again can come across as if I am being egocentric. But it’s a balancing act.. keeping their privacy while telling my story. Not easy .
I teach by being a living example, and talk about live examples from my life. In short, I say what I do and do what I say (almost).
And I live by the principle that the Truth can’t harm me.. well..at least in the long term it can’t..(though it does in the interim, hurt me at times – when people use what I say against me). It’s all about steadily becoming more congruent with my self..and internally self-consistent.
Easier said than done of course.. It’s all work in progress!
Almost 2 decades ago, when I ventured slowly into the world of western pagans, Witches, wiccans and wizards.. little did I know that they are as human and fallible ..as I am.
Having come from a Hindu religious background, and then lost my faith a little (after the sudden and accidental death of my father), I was drifting in life.. failing university exams, becoming a recluse with very few real friends..
I had always been interested in mind powers and psychic matters (dabbling with self-hypnosis, biorhythm, reading about telepathy, and telekinesis). So much so, that in A/Level, when I did so well in my Physics, I got a book voucher and the book I bought (handed to me officially in School assembly) was on Mind powers. I remember the Head Teacher startled and doing a double-take on the book before shaking my hand and handing it to me.
So after my father’s death, through some coincidences with friends and pen pals (in America.. they were the early pre-www world if telnetting and writing real letters!), I came across Runes, book in the garage in Egyptian mummifications..and into the `Body, Mind, Spirit’ world in London.
Those early conventions gave me a different impression. That everyone in it was so full of love, and unconditional friendship, trust etc. Then over time, I came into the Pagan world… And there too, I held the same beliefs.. because everyone in it talked about `coming home’ and how we are all the same, and magical..
In those early days, my High Priestess Laura and I had many a discussions.. on what it is to have perfect love, perfect trust …in Wiccan circles. And it is there that she broke my innocent bubble one day and told me that Pagans are people too.. and have their own flaws and prejudices.
I think ..though I heard her, and knew it intellectually, I did not understand it emotionally..
But over the years, I have learnt otherwise.
This world of Pagans, Wiccans, Witches, Shamans, Wizards, Dragon-Riders, Fairy-Dusters… and Broom-Flyers.. are just ordinary people.. and sadly, despite the highest ideals of perfect love and perfect trust, and a love for the Earth and Gods and Goddesses,.. there is also much darkness..
Darkness in itself is not a crime.. I am referring to deeper human emotions.. anger, frustrations, jealously, envy, power seeking, colluding, controlling, betraying, scapegoating, ego-driven, holier-than-thou..and all the other `warts’..
No it is not a crime.. but what is…is that so many wounded pagans, wiccans and Wizards ..are unaware of their own flaws and humanity.. and that they are actually acting on those impulses.. Instead some pagans seem to project their own darker sides and qualities (shadow functions) on to others.
I have even witnessed the pack mentality within some wiccan groups, pagan communities & Organisations, and ritual groups, not to mention bullying behaviour.. where small things are taken out of context, and acted upon and reactions snow-balled.. mole hills turning to mountains..and before you know it, hearts are broken, reputations are destroyed, and worse, people who `came home’ are left feeling `homeless..’ and ostracized from the very community they belonged to. These `rejected’ people can feel abandoned, bereft, extremely depressed, suicidal, and their lives can unravel disastrously. (That happens to anyone in an inclusive `love and light’ society where suddenly that person is excluded! )
As people work magically with powerful forces – elements, gods, goddesses, nature spirits, archangels..and so on.. and work to build communities, organisations, groups.. and memberships.. (such vastly magnificent goals and ideals).. what they tend to forget ..is that at the heart of it all.. is the human element.. ! It’s akin to driving at 80 mph in the fast motorways (Highways) for hours ..and then struggling to adjust to the 20 mph speed limit in urban streets. If no care is taken, and same speed is observed, an innocent in the street could get hurt. And once the harm is done, it can not be undone. Neither human nor the divine ever forgets! Bad karma piles up..
My advise to anyone new venturing into Pagan, Esoteric or magical communities (and I am part of this community..) is to be sensible, careful, and …while keeping to high magical or divine ideals, also keep an open mind..and your feet firmly on the ground.
The Pagan Community is just like any other community.. Completely and utterly…human.! Remember that, and all will go well..
Debate this:ps.This may seem like a very negative post – but just as my High Priestess offered me that advise all those years ago, I now offer it to others – having arrived at same wisdom through my own life’s ways. While many pagans may shy away from such topics, for fear of it showing (our) pagan community in bad light, I am happy to debate these matters further f0r the sake of learning, sharing and growth (but please no abusive or bullying comments!)
As most know, I follow Jonathan Cainer – astrologer!
I began reading his daily forecasts in news paper about 15 yrs ago, back in my Home Office trolley pushing `Admin Assistant’ days.. I’ve grown to like his character and his witty, cryptic way of offering forecasts. And I’ve studied his forecasts while looking at the transits from an Ephemeris on my own birth-chart, to work out (reverse engineer!) how news paper sun-sign forecasts are done.. (Thank you Jonathan Cainer. I have given thanks to you in my new eBook `Astrology for Eclipse Magicians’ – kindle version 🙂
My own calculations and working out transits on my charts (I did that few months ago) indicated that my life is about to go through some intense phases.. There were 2-3 important factors..
Saturn moves out from my house of Creativity (which gave me hope that finally my creative lessons are learnt and I will start to make much progress.. A year or so of hard work at home writing is now beginning to see results…as my books start coming out one by one ..almost off a production line.. – 3 so far and 2 to come out… just at various stages of edit or format)
Pluto squares my natal Uranus – affecting my house of transformation & house of creativity – This means that in general my life was about to go through a major death, rebirth and intense transformation period (am still in the middle of it..!) Power struggles are part of this transit.. as are control, manipulation etc. As it’s a square, it’s about experiencing these and trying to act. (squares force you into incredible mental gymnastics and expect action.. Compromises are for oppositions, but squares are about taking action to resolve issues).
Saturn in my work & duty sector was opposing natal saturn in my friendship & social sector- This is quite major – half the pain of a saturn-return..more or less.. I expected clashes of authority – mine & others. But it was bigger than just that. It was to affect the way I work, the way I think of duty, service, serving others, as much as the areas of community, friendships, social situations.
Anyone with basic astrology knowledge of houses will agree more or less with these.
Well, in addition to my own calculations, I also purchased Jonathan Cainer’s 3 month personal forecast for myself – and quite a lot of similar conformations, and new elements I had not been aware of. Effectively it is about my midlife crisis – working out where i have been and what matters and where I am going!
All these things have now started to come to pass.
At some future point, I shall tell the whole story – not now, as am busy with my creative ventures (even as I write this, my `public history’ is either being erased or re-written by others in positions of authority.
But reading Jonathan Cainer’s forecast for Sagittarius (few days ago) got me amused..
“Mistakes are easy to make. By this, I don’t just mean that they are easy for you to make. They are equally easy for us all to make. The people who think that they are somehow immune to this rule and have mastered the art of error avoidance, are, of course, the most mistaken of all. Let us keep that in mind, this weekend, as you now find yourself compensating for what could be considered as a series of mistaken judgements. What matters, is not what went wrong but what can now be done to make something right.” (www.Cainer.com)
There are people out there who have judged me as having made all sorts of mistakes. And now the rest of them are saying, `let it go’. Quite convenient ..for them, if I just did `let go’. ..wouldn’t it? The biggest mistaken judgement I ever made in the recent decade is trusting so many people, and championing other people’s causes and their organisations.. While I compensate for other people’s group shadow projections on me, I find that my own projections on others have now broken..
I was checking Jonathan Cainer’s forecast for my sign today.. This is what he says.
“We spoke yesterday about moving goalposts and changing rules. It remains true that you are not in a stable situation. Things do keep altering. But you can either let this be a source of enormous irritation or an excuse to start instigating some adjustments of your own. Under the influence of the eclipse, the only question you really have to ask yourself is, are you being fair to the essence or the spirit of an agreement, even if it seems as if nobody is being very true to the letter of the law as it was last laid down?”
This has got me thinking…that close people often complain (in the nicest way) that I keep changing things…Well, my explanations have always been that it’s because factors have changed, people who are committed to ventures with me have changed their levels of commitments or participation etc, and so I’ve had to alter things. In a modern day where everything is going fast at 300mph, how can anyone expect me to stick to my promises, even thought the governing factors are in flux? Yes, I do get that some things need to be stable, and fixed so that it gives security for others to build on.. BUT I have found myself to be rather tired that it’s me who is expected to remain stable and un-changing, while all else have the freedom (laziness at times) and luxury to weave in and out without firm promises and commitments of their own to me.
So erm, I’ve zapped that rule. Am not obliged to keep any promises I made to anyone (except my marriage vows of course). This i n many ways is Freedom!
The late Maureen Brown – Wiccan High Priestess & professional Psychotherapist – one who taught me 2 years worth of trans-personal psychology & counselling techniques – would be proud!