Tag Archives: Remembering

Our psyche in knots: Remembering & releasing our Dead .!

Our psyche in knots: Remembering & releasing our Dead .!

Moon in Cancer today… so it’s not surprising to see some posts here from few friends.. someone’s father died few days ago and she is having an astral farewell. someone else is suddenly remembering her mother passed away 4 years ago this time. And someone else is trying not to remember when their mother passed away.. around this time.

All these are painful.. and those memories stay deep within our psyche, getting buried deeper and deeper each passing year.. and causing the individuals discomfort, trauma, inner pains…. if they are not `opened up’ and eased, faced and released.. !

Am not at all being all `wise’ or `preachy’ . I know this pain very well. After my father died in a road accident, I went into some denial mode ..(slotting into `man of the family’ mode). Gave up University residence..moved back home .. The first 2 years were fine.. then my University grades started to drop..fails..repeats.. even an actual kind-out. I was not into parties, no relationship during the entire university time.. Just small stuff.. fitness, writing novels, painting.. yet life went down down down.. I missed my father much (though the end of his year was not good at home.. fights etc due to his flaws). But so many regrets.. I’d look at this funeral photos regularly and privately..(would not show it to mum or sisters but I’d be reliving it.. again and again).

This went on for almost 5-10 years!!Through it all, my spirituality took a dive. I became anti-religious.. then suicidal due to all my educational failures.. and somehow pulled through and found pagan spirituality.. and life started a positive upward spiral.. (and here we are).

I recall a point where I said enough was enough..and sealed his photos.. threw away some of his small precious possessions..(Only kept his broken wrist watch that had stopped at the time of his crash/ death and one ball point pen.. that I had placed in his hands for a short while in his coffin! Oh believe be I got dark in those years that people can not imagine.. After seeing some tribal film, I even thought I might drink his ashes in water!)

My Life only took off for me, after I released my father’s death from my psyche. I had thought to finish his life’s work.. his scholarly studies.. his Phd.. but then finally chose that I have my own work..and life to live.

In case people don’t know.. I was 5 years old when I saw my grandfather pass away.. and while his body was in the house for few days in a open coffin.. I lived in that house.. and played as a boy. My uncles and aunt kept me busy (mother was far away having just had my 2nd sister and was with her parents.. Father was busy with whatever her needed to do.. I only remember my uncles and aunt keeping me busy those days..)

Since then I have seen many relatives pass away before me.. As priest, I’ve even performed `pasing rites’ to terminally ill comatose loved ones.. and they then passed within hours.

As much as I don’t like to.. death defines my life.. (and this is perhaps why when it comes to do Dark Lord / veil stuff in pagan rituals for autumn/ samhain.. my energy clicks in fast and deeper than anything else).

I chose few years ago to click into Life.. and only `open up’ the Dark Lord energy in me at very specific seasonal times.. And as The Doctor (who) once said, `the name we choose is a promise we make to be who we are’…. and it’s no coincidence that the name I have currently on facebook (Mani Morningstar) is chosen for this time.. I may keep it or I may change it in a few months.. we’ll see how far I need to work that energy ..for my self and for the world. I don’t preach ..well I do..but with a lot of explanations.. like this one, so people know where I am coming from.. Not from a metal egocentric place of power and control.. but from a heartspace of compassion, empathy and love to want to help others in inner-turmoil.

If I can help.. I will do my best.Even if I or anyone else can’t help you.. YOU should go deep within.. (like the late Maureen helped me do in pathworkings and meditations back in 2001-02) to those key issues of loss of a parent.. and face them.. and resolve them. (I once cut of the head of my own father in a pathworking.. That was not malicious.. it was resolving a sub-personality or an energy that had consumed me for so long).

so take what you `Will’ from this.. and make your inner-samhain journeys… Don’t let the beloved-Dead sleep long within you and leach your energies and powers and live as zombies and vampires within your psyche. Let them go with love and light.. to the divine.It frees your heart to love again.. your self..and others. ❤

Blessings

-Mani Navasothy

The mourning of Mr Navasothy’s Death..!

Am very much alive..and kicking..  and probably will for another 20 yrs or so..but I am not the first Mr.Navasothy!  That name belongs to my late father Kanapathipillai Navasothy!! And this was the morning of his unexpected and accidental demise..  way back on 3rd January 1990.

A day after New Year 1990, he returned to work..  to the Government Office in Elephant & Castle, London.   And by late afternoon, he was crossing the main road, to get the bus..and never made it to the other side of the road!

I didn’t hear about it till much later in the evening.. almost night…as I was with relatives in Cambridge..  The Call came..  an uncle drove me to London..  to Guy’s Hospital..  and by the time I had arrived, my father was dying.. serious head injuries…still in Coma.. slipping to another reality.

And what I did next shocked and surprised my family members in the hospital..  mother, 2 younger sisters, uncles, and cousin from Canada!

I took the camera out of my bag and started taking photos of my father.. !

Mr Navasothy
Mr Navasothy

He had always liked being photographed, and I took it upon myself..to catalogue his entire final journey..from the minute of his death to the moment his body turned to ashes few weeks later in the local Crematorium!   Those photos are still here somewhere..  I used to look at them once a year ..on this night..  But I stopped doing that about 10 yrs after the event..  on a day I decided to truly let go.. It was also when I let go of a tiny bit of his blood…taken from the shirt he had worn at the time..!  And the minute hairs on his shaving blade..!!

What remains is his Wrist-Watch! It stopped then..I have tried winding it.. It moves for a few seconds..  and it stops..!

So it was at 1.35am, on 3rd January 1990, I became the New Mr.Navasothy..  and took my father’s first name as my last!   Navasothy died.

At the inquest..months and 2 postmortem later.. they declared it as High velocity accidental death, because the Bus Driver, the Car Driver and the Motocyclist..all gave conflicting accounts. People don’t have that level of head-injury..  enough to kill a man..if they were just running for a bus and fell to the road!!   Athletes running at 30-40mph perhaps..but not a middle-aged man!  The truth was never uncovered. Who ever hit him got away..! Yeah, a road-kill – my father!!

What followed were years of torments, loss of faith in Gods and religions, lawless lonely years. And out of that darkness and soul searching, the new Mr.Navasothy rose.. !

Death always creates Birth..!   But not the way most imagine..  Personalities of the living shift..  they take on new strands.. and new subpersonalities emerge..!

A broken Watch, a tiny stone and a small twig – bear witness to that moment of one life passing..!  They’ve shaped the last 24 years of my life.. the quest for that forbidden knowledge!!  What lies beyond death? Where are Gods? What are spirits and souls?  Why do ghost and ghouls walk the earth? And what monsters lie within??

Maybe one day, when I am  ready, I’ll hold the 3 items… and I will know who killed my father!  The Watch, the stick and the stone..will tell me!! And then with all my might and magic… I will deliver my Justice!!

Why? Because..I never let go of injustices..  Not a single one..!   And no one forgets the first one!! It sets all the other ones in motion..

An Elephant has a long memory..  and so do I..!   My grandmother said so.. !!

-Manivannan Navasothy

Related Personal links

Ghosts of the past – aiding the dead

Ashes to ashes…Dust to Dust..  Light after Death 

Navasothy- our father who art in Heaven..